Strange Apple's Blog

How I feel

Posted on: August 29, 2010

Helpless, useless, not good enough.

I can’t say that it’s solely to do with L’s bipolar, it’s probably more of an overall parental thing, but the bipolar really makes me see it/feel it/be it. Helpless.

I try so hard to help, to get him into the right doctors, to see the right people, to make things easier with school, to sort out life’s problems. To stand by him. To be there for him. To listen to him.

I feel so bad when it doesn’t work, or it doesn’t help. Sometimes I back off, feeling like I’m doing too much, involving myself too much, but that makes me feel bad too.

What is the right thing to do? When should I be involved and when should I back off?

He’s never been good with taking medications, but if I remind him to take them, I cop attitude. If I don’t remind him, then his mood suffers and we all suffer. I cop shit if I help him, I cop shit if I don’t. It’s a no win situation.

It hurts.

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1 Response to "How I feel"

I’ve got no answers, just hugs.
….and maybe let you know that I think you are fantastic, caring, thoughtful Mum who I admire.

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  • None
  • strangeapple: I don't like to fail, and I feel like I've failed. I think that's what it is. Big knock to my ego. I saw a psych the other week, she made sense, p
  • strangeapple: Holy fuck, I had a doctors appointment this evening that I didn't go to. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
  • corymbia: I do the stiff upper lip thing too. Was worried I was slipping into bona-fide depression last week, but as is usually the case with me... the bad stu

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